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नाराज़ पति – पत्नी
एक पति-पत्नी आपस में नाराज़ चल रहे थे। नाराजगी भी इतनी थी कि एक ही कमरे में रहते हुए आपस में एक – दूसरे को बोलते तक नहीं थे दोनों अपने-अपने काम में कोई कमी नहीं आने देते जैसे सुबह पति उठता तो पत्नी चाय टेबल पर रख जाती और ऑफिस का समय होता तो लंच बॉक्स तैयार करके देती इसी तरह पति भी ऑफिस से आते हुए सब्जी राशन आदि लाकर रख देता।
काफी दिन गुजर गए। एक दिन पति को जरूरी काम से ऑफिस में आठ बजे कि जगह छ: बजे पहुंचना था लेकिन उसकी नींद सात बजे से पहले नहीं खुलती थी। रात को सोने के समय पति को विचार आया की सुबह मुझे पांच बजे कौन उठायेगा। पति के दिमाग में एक उपाय आया और वह एक पर्ची अपनी पत्नी के नाम लिखने लगा, देखो मीना मुझे सुबह ऑफिस जल्दी जाना है इसलिए मुझे पांच बजे जगा देना।
इस तरह पर्ची लिख कर वह पत्नी के बैड पर रख आया और बेफिक्र होकर सो गया। पत्नी पर्ची उठा कर पड़ी और कुछ सोचा और वह भी सो गई।
सुबह पति कि नींद खुली तो उसने उठकर घड़ी की तरफ़ देखा, घड़ी में सात बज रहे थे फिर उसकी निगाह तकिए पर गई तो वहा एक पर्ची रखी थी।
उस पर लिखा था जी, उठ जाओ सुबह के पांच बज गए है।
अनपढ़ पत्नी
पति अनपढ़ पत्नी को समझते हुए देखो शीला कल हमें पार्टी में जाना है। तुम अच्छी तरह तैयार हो जाना और पढ़ी-लिखी जैसी पोशाक पहनना क्योंकि वहां पर सभी बड़े लोग इकट्ठा होंगे और उस पार्टी में ज्यादातर अंग्रेजी बोलेंगे। वहा तुम को भी बोलेंगे की यह तुम्हारे साथ कौन है तो तुम कहोगी की यह मेरे हसबैंड और मै इनकी वाइफ हूं।
बेचारा पति सारी रात हसबैंड और वाइफ रटवता रहा, तब पत्नी ने कहा मै बोल दूंगी अब आप आराम से सो जाओ।
सुबह उठकर नहा – धोकर दोनों पति – पत्नी पार्टी में पहुंच गए। वहा पहुंचते ही पांच – छ: महिलाओं ने उनको घेर लिया और पत्नी से पूछा ये आपके साथ कौन है तो पत्नी ने कहा ये मेरे हैडपम्प है और मै इनकी पाईप हूं।
तीन दोस्तों की बाते
पहला:- यार मै एक बार जंगल से गुजर रहा था कि मैंने देखा एक शेर अचानक आ गया, लेकिन मैं डरा नहीं मेरे हाथ में बंदूक थी, मैंने एक ही गोली मारी और शेर मर गया।
दूसरा:- अबे बंदूक से तो कोई भी शेर को मार सकता है, सुन मै भी एक बार जंगल से गुजर रहा था और शेर आ गया और मेरी तरफ झपटा लेकिन मेरे पास छुरा था मैंने एक ही वार में शेर को मार डाला।
तीसरा:- जो अब तक शांति से बैठ सुन रहा था, बोला ओय बंदूक और छुरे से तो कोई भी शेर को मार देगा सुनो मै भी एक बार जंगल से गुजर रहा था कि अचानक ही शेर मेरे आगे आकर खड़ा हो गया, मैंने उसको देखा और कहा “अबे जंगल का राजा होकर नंगा घूम रहा है” ।
दोनों दोस्त:- फिर क्या हुआ?
तीसरा:- अबे होना क्या था वह शर्म से ही मर गया।
रामु एक नौकर
एक सेठ अपने नौकर को समझाते हुए, देख रामु मेरे पास कोई भी मिलने आता है तो मैं तुम्हे आवाज लगाऊंगा की रामु शर्बत लाओ तो तुम आकर कहोगे कि मालिक बादाम का लाऊ, किस – मिस का या काजू का।
मेरे कहने का मतलब है मै जो भी चीज तुमसे मंगवाऊ तो तुम महमानों के आगे एक चीज के दो – तीन नाम लिया करो जैसे मै कहूं रामु चाय लाओ तो तुम कहना मालिक चाय लाऊ, कॉफ़ी या दूध ही ले आऊ, जैसे मै कहूं ठंडा लाओ तो तुम कहोगे मालिक पेप्सी लाऊ, कम्पा या मरिंडा मेरी बात अच्छी तरह समझ गया न।
रामु:- समझ गया मालिक।
एक बार सेठ के पास पांच – छ: बड़े सेठ व्यापार के सिल – सिले में आए और अपने व्यापार के बारे में बाते कर रहे थे, तो उन सेठो ने कहा कि सेठ जी आपके पिताजी के सामने भी बाते हो जाए तो और भी अच्छा होता। सेठ ने कहा ठीक है, मै अभी बुला देता हूं। सेठ ने रामु को आवाज लगाई रामु। रामु दौड़ कर आया और कहा जी मालिक।
मालिक:- जरा मेरे पिताजी को बुला लाओ।
रामु:- कुछ सोच कर मालिक कौन से पिताजी को बुलाऊं दिल्ली वाले, राजस्थान वाले या मुंबई वाले को।
तेनाली रामा की चतुराई भरी कहानियां
कैदयो की रामलीला
जेलर साहब उदास अपने घर के सामने बैठे थे उनके एक दोस्त आए और कहा जेलर साहब आज कैसे उदास हो।
जेलर साहब:- क्या बताऊं यार आज – कल रामलीला चल रही है।
दोस्त:- फिर इसमें चिंता कि क्या बात है।
जेलर साहब:- यार परसो जेल में कैदियों ने कहा कि सर हम भी रामलीला करेंगे।
दोस्त:- फिर
जेलर साहब:- फिर क्या मैंने सहमती दे दी।
दोस्त:- फिर
जेलर साहब:- फिर क्या यार पाठ चल रहा था कि लक्ष्मण को शक्ति लगी तो जो कैदी हनुमान बना था वह राम से बोला हे रघुनाथ आप चिंता मत करो मै अभी जाता हूं और संजीवनी बूटी लेकर आता हूं।
दोस्त:- उसके बाद क्या हुआ?
जेलर साहब:- फिर क्या वह परसो का गया हुआ अभी तक संजीवनी लेकर नहीं आया।
मुजरिम
जज:- पहले मुजरिम से आपको किस जुर्म में यहां लाया गया है?
मुजरिम:- जी मै तालाब में कंकड़ डाल रहा था।
जज:- दूसरे मुजरिम से और आपको?
दूसरा मुजरिम:- जी मै कंकड़ डालने में इसकी मदद कर रहा था।
जज:- शिकायत करता से! यह तो कोई जुल्म नहीं हुआ फिर तुमने इनकी शिकायत क्यों कि।
तीसरा:- जी मेरा ही तो नाम कंकड़ है।
गधे की बात
पति – पत्नी खाने की टेबल पर पत्नी खाना लगा रही थी, पति बैठे हुए थे और दोनों बच्चे मोनू और पिंकी खेल रहे थे।
पति:- पत्नी से – आज मै ऑफिस से आ रहा था कि एक गधा,,,,,,,,,
तभी पीछे से मोनू की आवाज आई। मम्मी देखो पिंकी ने मेरी कोपी फाड़ दी।
मम्मी:- कोई बात नहीं बेटे मै दूसरी कॉपी ला दूंगी।
पति:- हां तो मै कह रहा था कि आज ऑफिस से आ रहा था कि एक गधा,,,,,,,,,,,,,
तभी पीछे से पिंकी की आवाज आई देखो मम्मी मोनू ने मेरी गुड़िया तोड़ दी।
पत्नी:- गुस्से से – तुम दोनों भगवान के लिए चुप हो जाओ पहले मुझे गधे की बात सुनने दो।
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